Monday
I am currently sitting in my office. I have been in and out all day. I am not sure why, but I am sure I would have a good excuse were I needing one, but I am sitting in my office. Is that important? I am not really sure. I am found here when not in class, or at home, but I am found in my office when someone needs to find me.
Today, I have gotten an in-grown toe-nail removed, which meant my toe for the few hours afterwards was numb, it is no longer numb. It hurts. I had a test to take, so I didnt take the pain killer prescribed to me because I needed a clear head for the afternoon. I sit here wondering though about the rest of the day. I have another test I have to take tomorrow. I need to study for it, which means I dont want to take said pain-killers cause i need a clear head...
To take my mind off of the pain in my foot, my toe and in other parts of my leg, I have begun compiling a list of things...
- I am currently angry at an overwhelming tendency in the people around me to be self-centered in their requests of me, and lack of consideration of my time and efforts. [This forms the core of my hatred of Stat 336 students.] Is that anger as currently directed the same selfishness shown towards me?
- Girls like jackasses. [This originally was only directed to BYU coeds but was quickly generalized] I am trying to rationalize this in my head. I think I am nice and considerate of people and their needs, I dont overtly try to be mean [on occasion I can be rather mean and rude], but it seems that everytime I attempt to socialize with females, it has to be on a "professional" level and not a "personal" level cause of some innate flaw. I am trying to state this in a nice way, but I really cant think of one. But to have witness someone complain about the very nature and character of a guy, and then have that same girl pursue that individual makes no sense to me. The female gender is half crazy...
- I am getting to a point I need to figure out what I want to do in life. I say this because in under 30 days I will be done with my education. It might be 32 days, but that is besides the point. Part of me that agreed to attend BYU is reluctant to leave. I came here for a reason, I just dont know what that reason is. I am not sure, besides a good feeling like this is where I was supposed to be, I had as clue as why I was here. I think it was good, I ended up with a direction I enjoyed with statistics, but I am not sure I wouldnt have found that somewhere else. So as I look forward with the end of the semester and the fact I will be dont with a degree, I am not sure it is time to move on. So I am torn over what I should be doing come January. I have begun working on applying to the masters program here at BYU, but I wonder where else I should apply, or if I should be looking for employment. If I go the employment route, where should I be looking? This future planning stuff is a scary proposition.
- I think I am looking forward to the first of December. I am going to ride the train [Durango-Silverton]. I am excited about it. I would equate my excitement to a little child on Christmas morning. Not sure that really works that way, but that is the way I am looking at it for the time being...
Unfortunately I must doing something about the pain, which probably finding painkillers that arent Tylenol3 so that I can take an edge of the pain in my leg/foot/toe and possibly get some homework and studying done.
~u